(Editor’s Note: This seals the deal. Noah loves Adam Sandler. Who else would become this obsessive? Or, his biological father is actually Sandler, and Noah is desperately trying to reach out. Let’s help Noah find his real dad.)
After doing some research for my next bit for The bH Scale (working title- “Adam Sandler, The Trump of Comedy”) I noticed a peculiar similarity between fat Adam (Click) and New Jersey Governor Chris Christie (Trump-endorsing bag of turds). Take a look at the similarity:
This raises all sorts of interesting queries. For instance:
1) If Chris Christie is actually Adam Sandler in a fat suit, is Adam Sandler writing all of Trump’s speeches? This would explain the hilarious-to-some but terrifying-to-others aspect of Trump’s rhetoric.
2) If Adam Sandler is actually helping guide Trump’s campaign, does that add credence to the idea that we’re all being punked by Trump?
3) Perhaps Adam Sandler is actually trying to ruin America in the same way he’s ruined comedy, via Donald Trump. Except this time the repercussions aren’t limited to the destruction of actors’ careers and a comically low Rotten Tomatoes rating – the repercussion could be a nuclear holocaust.
4) Maybe Adam has finally realized how terrible his movies are, and that the only way to erase his blight upon comedy and film is a nuclear holocaust.
Long story short, please don’t put Adam Sandler movies into your nuclear bunkers and time capsules. This stuff needs to be gone with the rest of us.
– Noah Cheely